How to Decide Whether or Not to Have a Baby

Step 1

1

Consider the commitment. Many biological and cultural factors may contribute to the desire to have a child. However, rather than bending to immediate pressure, take time to decide whether you have the capacity to care for a child in your home for the next eighteen years, as well as helping to support it throughout your life.

Understand that having a baby is not simply a time commitment. Raising a child is currently estimated to cost a quarter of a million dollars before college.

Know that a child is a mental investment, as well. Studies report that new parents experience a loss of happiness that is on par with divorce and unemployment. While happiness does eventually pick up again, consider your own mental health and whether you are presently in a place to handle that level of extended mental hardship.

Step 2

2

Evaluate current life events. Some people may become motivated to have children after major life events or even during crises. Look at what else has happened or is currently happening in your life to see if it may be giving you temporary motivation.

Some couples are led to believe that having a child may save a hurting relationship. While there is no guarantee either way, the pressure of raising children often hurts damaged relationships more than it helps.

Some couples feel that having children is simply the next step after marriage. There is no inherently right time to start having children, so check in with yourself and your spouse to see if it is what you both want or whether you should take time and revisit the conversation later in your relationship.

Sometimes a major life event such as recovering from a serious illness or injury might fuel someone to start making the most of their life immediately. It is not bad to have a baby after a life event, but take time to think over the long term implications along with the short term rush.

Step 3

3

Consider not having children. If you grew up believing that parenthood was the only option once you grew up, take a moment and consider what it would mean for your life if you did not have children. This is simply an exercise, not a final decision, but picture what type of work, relationships, hobbies, and personal interests you might pursue if you did not have a child.

Ask yourself, “Does any of this feel better to me than the option of bringing up a family?” Take note of your instinctual reaction.

If there is something in your mind that does seem as appealing as parenthood, check with yourself to see if that option and raising a child truly are exclusive. How might you be able to work that career, hobby, or relationship into your life as a parent?